1 More Night

And technically 1 more second. That's just crazy that they're adding a second. It's weird to think how it all adds up and stuff. Crazy world. Anyways, we had a good day. We went to the firing range so I could shoot a few rounds. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Maybe it was the gun, I don't know. Don't worry, no innocent (or even guilty) people or animals were harmed. Just paper targets. Although there were some people there practicing for their hunts...and they were some loud guns! Then we went to the Y - yes we actually joined the Y - and worked out. My legs are hurting now, so I must have done something right. Then I went to get fitted for some shoes that fit properly...my extra extra wide feet...I asked if he had platypus shoes...he said yeah, but he'd find me something nicer. Speaking of platypus did you know that the male platypus has a spur behind his rear feet that he can sting you with venom...enough to kill a dog...Crazy huh? I guess that's fair since they got the raw end of the looks department. Now we're home getting ready for the new year. Trying to get to a decent starting point for the year. I'm watching August Rush...which so far is good but it depresses me at the same time...her not knowing she has a son and all...hopefully it gets better...or has a happy ending. Speaking of sons though here's a clip of Camden on another of his favorite Christmas presents.

Can't believe it's almost 2009!

We had a great Christmas! We all got more than we need or could ask for. SO spoiled. The best part was seeing all the family. Santa Davis did bring Camden 1 big gift - he really likes. I have a feeling we'll be spending a lot of time outside this spring. :) Now he's decided to ring in the new year with one last illness. Just some junky lungs and ear infections. He'll be fine, think he just wanted to squeeze in 1 last one this year :)

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

I saw a shooting star tonight, and it made me cry. I didn't know what to wish for. That is a good thing b/c that means I have so many wonderful things in my life. But it made me sad in 2 different ways. I didn't know what to wish for because for the longest time all I wished for was a cure for SMA and for Grace to do ok and be well. I of course still want a cure for SMA. Very important. But everything I can think of that I really want can't and/or most likely never will happen. So that made me sad. And at the same time I'm not sure if I couldn't think of anything b/c I knew it didn't matter. I knew it wouldn't do me any good b/c wishing a stars doesn't work. And that made me sad. That I've lost that belief, that innocence, that faith, the youth. It made me sad. It was a pretty shooting star though. It lasted a long time and was so bright.

Camden is doing wonderfully. Really getting around now. Still not sprouting teeth...1 top one is starting to pop through but the funny thing is it isn't the middle one. It's one of the side ones - one of his incisors. We've been calling him snaggletooth. We did have our first experience with real throw up - not just some spit up. No good. Think something just bugged his tummy b/c when he was done he was done. Wouldn't have been too bad except it was about 2 AM and he did it in his crib and then rolled around in it. I know, nice picture. But he's ok and we made it through that first experience.

Just some more pics

Watch out world...he's on the move!

Can you believe he's 1!!!! He had a great birthday party. He stayed happy the whole day and did a great job. Playing, laughing, eating...it was perfect with so many friends and family here! He also started walking the next day. He is so cute when he walks. More of a drunken stumble. Too too cute!

Blowing Kisses

I haven't been able to capture Camden's cute wave on video yet. He sort of twists his wrist instead of waving with his hand or fingers. It's very cute! Everytime I turn on the camera though he of course stops. I was lucky enought to catch him blowing kisses...he just started this over the weekend..and has only done it a few times. I think he just had so much fun at Aunt Maegan's with Kaiden he felt the need to blow kisses. Or maybe it was pure joy brought on by the UT game. :) (Hopefully UT will keep their heads in the game) Too cute!

Patchwork Quilt

I am definitely starting to feel like a patchwork quilt. :) I had 2 more sections of skin removed today. I had 2 moles removed a few weeks ago and they were both abnormal, so I had to go back today to have more skin removed to make sure they got all the abnormal cells. That makes 5 biopsies with the results of 1 fine, 3 abnormal and 1 melanoma - the last 4 all requiring a 2nd cut and stitches. Boy oh boy. I am glad they have been relatively small patches and that they can just cut them out and it's ok. I am very thankful for that. Wondering if they could just do an all over skin peel :)

I was finding a picture of Grace for an upcoming SMA fundraiser...came across one that made me think of Camden. Do you think they're related? :) And there's about an 8 month age difference between them in these.

Growing Like a Weed

I can't believe Camden is almost 1!!! And he's growing up so fast! He got his first haircut yesterday. He looks more and more like a little boy and less like a baby. He did a very good job at the barber. Keven wanted to take him to this place down on Congress - Avenue Barbershop..or something like that. It's been there since 1933 and it's basically the same. It was pretty neat. I think he did such a good job b/c he was to tired to care :) Then he had his fist lollipop after that. I had forgotten how much Grace loved lollipops. But now Camden does too.

He also has started waving good bye and blowing kisses. He doesn't always do it consistently but he's getting better. And his wave is so cute! He kind of twists his hand around instead of going up and down. I have to get it on video. And he took 2 steps. Didn't get too far but it is a start. I just can't believe how quickly time is flying.

We also got to go hang out with Kaiden and Kase yesterday. Camden had a lot of fun with Kaiden. He loves to play. One of his favorite things to do is go up and down the stairs, with me right beside him of course, but he likes to come down the stairs head first. He's a hoot!

Sherry had the triplets. They are all healthy and good. YEAH!!! I haven't been able to go see them yet...I'm battling a sinus infection or allergies or something..not going to chance that with them.

Not much else going on besides the usual. Looking forward to Monday off as we have a 3 day weekend, although I'll probably go do some work at school for a bit anyways. But that's ok. Hope all is well with everyone!

October Really?

So, I heard somewhere that people that spend time each day journaling or blogging are all around healthier and happier. And since we should believe anything we read or hear, especially on the internet, I thought I'd try blogging some more.

Things are ok here. I'm teaching full time now - between 2 schools. Camden is growing like a weed and has taken 1 step...we're waiting for the 2nd. He's home today with the bug they've been passing around the daycare. Keven is working his tail off between work and grad school. We hope to see him in 2010 when he graduates :)

I am tired though. Of life in general. We have it good. I know that. We have so many wonderful things. I know that. I am very thankful. I can not complain. But I'm worn out. My heart is tired of hurting for so many families and children. For my own child and family. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going 100 mph and not getting anywhere. I'm tired of checking my email and being afraid of emails from friends and their children being sick. I'm tired of money controlling everything we do or can do or can't do. I'm tired of the what ifs and I should haves. I'm just tired. But I do love Camden's smile and laugh. Those make everything else just disappear. Just go away. Just not matter at all. I can't believe he's almost 1!!!! He is such a miracle and a blessing.

So many prayers for so many people!! Tambryn, who is very sick needing lots of prayers! Dani who is doing better but still needs good thoughts. Kyle, that he doesn't get sick too. Sherry - she's so close to delivering those triplets, just hang in there and get those babies here safely. My other friend prego with twins for a healthy pregnancy. For all the other kiddos and families that are sick or in need of prayers. If you need something to do on October 25 check out http://oddsonacure.com/ Prayers for all!

Back to School

Man, even just blogging I can't keep up with it. Let me see if I can remember stuff

Grace's Angel day was very nice. My family all came over for the afternoon, we looked at pictures of Grace, talked about her, played with Camden and just hung out. Aunt Rachael was wonderful enough to organize Grace's cabinet for the 2nd time. We then went to dinner where some other extended family members joined us - and we of course had mashed potatoes. When we went to the cemetery the weather was perfect. I think it was the first day all summer it wasn't 100 degrees. There was a nice breeze and her balloons flew high. We all had cake and Camden smushed his into the ground - I like to think sharing with Grace. :)

Keven volunteered at the MDA telethon this week. Camden and I stopped by to see everyone but between sleep and runny nose we didn't stay long. It was good to see people again though.

I finished anatomy with an A. YEAH!! I decided not to take a class at ACC this fall. Starting a new job and Keven taking 2 classes...something had to give. I'm going to put nursing on hold for awhile. Teaching is great for a family and I still want to expand mine. I am hoping to volunteer at the children's hospital and see if that helps my desire to be a nurse. I wanted to do it more for the support aspect of it anyways, so we shall see. I am not at the point to say I will never do it but it's on hold and only time will tell.

Keven has started his next 2 classes. Well, he's only been to 1 so far b/c the other is a Monday night class so with Labor day...He ran in the Human Race last weekend - a 10K - and ran the whole way without stopping. I am very proud of him and impressed. Someday I'll get off my butt so I can get my butt off.

School has started. I am teaching elementary music part time. I work a week then have a week off. I like that schedule. I will be subbing on my weeks off to help supplement the income. Hopefully since my school is brand new it will continue to grow and my position will turn to a full time position.

Camden is still as wonderful as always. He's actually been under the weather the last week - either allergies or teeting or sinus...but just lots of congestion and hard time sleeping. He's been doing a really good job of staying in a good mood even though. He is 10 months old now and close to walking. He is cruising everywhere and can even stand for just a moment without holding onto anything. I think he'll be walking by his birthday. That'll be good b/c then I'll have to move more and faster to catch him. He lights up any time he sees Grace's picture and that just makes me so happy. Makes me sad too, but so happy. We are enjoying every day with him. I am hoping to get his picture page updated this weekend...I'll let you know when I do.

2 Years Tomorrow

Tomorrow. 2 years. Unreal. Figured I better go ahead and type something now since there is no telling what I will think/feel tomorrow. There really isn't much to say. Nothing that hasn't been said. I love her like crazy. I miss her like crazy. I do go longer in between cries and breakdowns...but not much else has changed. I still have feelings of guilt, of anger, of sadness, of unfairness. So many feelings that never end. I still remember this week 2 years ago. It's the week/day I remember most out of all of them. That makes me sad. I wish I remembered other days as well. It's very hard to believe it's been 2 years since I held her...heard her voice...smelled her...kissed her. So hard to believe. Unfair!!! To her. To us. To Camden who will never meet his big sister. He'll know her - we talk about her all the time - but won't have her here with him. She is part of him though. He is so happy and so content - just like her - I believe it is part of her in him. He makes life better - his smile, his needs and wants. But it doesn't make her not being here any better. I hope she is never forgotten - by anyone that ever met her. She was an Amazing person and it's just not right or fair. I don't think it was her time. I think she had more ahead of her. Although Camden would not be here if she still were...so maybe she was opening the door for him. Who knows...I love you Grace. I always have and I always will. You are my strength and my weakness. My heart and my soul. I love you dearly and you affected me more in your short life than anyone or anything else ever has (and I would be willing to bet ever will). I love you sunshine and miss you so much. I don't think I can say that enough. Love you and Miss you.

Camden's 9 Months Old

This is just a copy of the email I sent updating after Camdens 9 month checkup on August 5th.

Camden had his 9 month well check today! He woke up with a fever though, so it was good timing. He has a sinus infection and will start antibiotics today. Besides that he is perfect. I can’t believe he’s 9 months!! Almost a year old! That means I haven’t lost a pound in 9 months…no good…course I haven’t worked very hard at it. Anyways… He weighed 22 pounds (75-90 percentile), with his height still in the 50 percentile. J He’s so cute and chunky. He is still spitting up way too much so after he finishes the antibiotic he will have an upper GI to make sure everything is ok. I am willing to admit that I am paranoid and over protective and there may be absolutely nothing wrong with him. I hope that is the truth. But I will also say better safe than sorry. So we’ll do the upper GI. He is getting into everything. Crawling like crazy, pulling up, and so wants to walk. He will walk while you hold his hands but not willing to let go yet. That’s ok. But I’d be surprised if he’s not walking by his birthday. We’ll see. No rush. Just so much fun. His favorite activity is to push things around the floor and go after them. Balls, toys, diapers, anything he can push or toss and crawl after. I’ll try and get a video uploaded to my blog of him doing this. It’s hilarious. And so nice that he can entertain himself. It’s so much fun to watch him as he learns about things and figures out how things work…the wonder and amazement of children and learning things for the first time. Wish we could remember that and hold on to that. Other exciting news is that on August 18th he will graduate from the baby room at school into the Toddler 1 room. J They get to go outside to the playground, and have circle time and centers. That will be exciting! He’s going to love it! He is great!!! We haven’t been swimming much this summer. With my stitches and the HEAT…haven’t done it much. The few times we have though he loves the water. Can’t wait to spend some more time in the water.

Grace – August is SMA Awareness month. I still say that’s why she passed this month…to help with awareness…Still ironic that the date we went in for her bloodwork and MRI was August 17th, 2004…passing on August 17th, 2006…ironic. Can’t believe it’s almost been 2 years. Sometimes it all seems like a dream. Sometimes all too real. I can remember that day like yesterday. Wish I could remember all her other days as clearly. Sure do miss her. Along with SMA awareness month, the 2nd Saturday of the month, which is this Saturday the 9th, is candle lighting day. At sunset people light candles in memory of our Angels and in honor of those still in the battle. If you think of it please light a candle this Saturday for all our Angels (SMA and Angels for other reasons)

I am doing ok. My neck is healing nicely. Have about a 3 ½ inch scar but it’ll shrink some more and will hide nicely in my wrinkles as I age. J They got clear margins on the surrounding tissue so that is all good. Last week they took a small patch from my shoulder – about 2 inches long – it was just abnormal tissue but they went ahead and took it. I will get the stitches out August 11. Still in my anatomy class and it’s going pretty well. My last class is actually next Tuesday (12th) which is the 1st day I start back to work. Good timing I guess. I am only taking 1 class this fall as I am not sure what my schedule will look like. I will be teaching half time – a week on and a week off. Sounded perfect…until we realized I need to work full time. So I’ll be looking for another PT job which will be interesting since I need it to be a week on and a week off. But I’m not worried. Things always have a way of working themselves out. I did just get a new washer and dryer – that’s exciting. I guess Keven got them too, but since I do the laundary… Our washer broke..shocking since it was so cheap and all (really it was – a freeby with the house)…but I’m kind of scared of my new ones b/c I think they’re smarter than me. I also got my hair chopped off. I cut it and donated it to Locks of Love…but she did do it a bit shorter than I wanted so it feels really weird.

Keven is doing great. He has finished his first MBA class. Last week was his last class day. Now he has a few weeks off before the fall semester starts and he takes 2 classes. He will be off to Colorado next week for a vacation. He leaves the day I start back to work. Yes, I’m jealous. At least one of us gets a vacation though I guess. He has also become quite the runner. He has been doing weekly trainings and is starting to go a few times a week. He has participated in two 5Ks and will be doing a 10K at the end of the month. I am very impressed by him!! He is however losing a battle with our toilet. Anyone have any plumbing ideas? He’s replaced the whole thing in the tank…still not right….boy it’s frustrating. He also got to paint the garage door and power wash the sidewalk after some punk kids wrote on them in marker. Sheesh!!! We didn’t get the worst though – they wrote on the hood of the car across the street. School needs to start! But he is doing well and loving that Camden is getting so interactive and fun to play with.

Congratulations to my friend Maegan who had her 2nd little boy today. YEAH!!!! Prayers for all those in need – for joy, comfort and concerns. Including my friend prego with triplets who was put on bed rest…she still has about 12 weeks to go…so a long way of bed rest. And all the other prego ladies I know. Sending hugs and love to all and hope everyone is doing well.

Home, Hair and HELLo August

August is here. Well, in a little over an hour. Hard to believe. Camden is gearing up for football season - ready to cheer on the Longhorns with his big sister! He'll be 9 months old tomorrow!

Home - I forgot to mention that our house was written all over. Some kid wrote on our sidewalk, windows and garage door. How nice. Thankfully Keven was able to clean most of it and paint the garage door. They also wrote on the hood of our neighbor's car and on a house around the corner - including on their siding. Sheesh!!



Hair - I chopped my hair off. Not entirely on purpose. I did want to cut it and wanted to cut enough to donate to Locks of Love...but the lady went even shorter than that! I feel really weird without it. My face is too round and pudgy for short hair. At least it grows pretty quickly and will go to a good cause. I was hoping it would help my headaches, but no so luck yet.

HELLo August...because August is not one of my favorite months. Never has been. Probably never will be. For one it's just way to HOT!! And if you want to go back really far - we moved from Kentucky to Texas in August. I am thankful for the move now, but back then, in 4th grade, it was the worst thing ever!! August means school is starting up, so back to work. And of course Grace's Angel Day. So...here we shall start August. It does start off well though..Camden turns 9 months, our new washer/dryer are being delievered Friday, one of my best friends is having her 2nd little boy on Tuesday, we get to go to a birthday party for another friend we haven't seen in a long time and then another friend will be having her 1st born towards the end of the month. So we will try and focus on the positive and not on the August part.
>

Just a funny picture of my boy. He's such a
good eater - can't imagine where he gets it from ;)

Cruising through July

The summer is just flying by. Camden is almost walking. It's crazy. One day he figures out how to pull up and the next day you can't stop him. He is progressing so quickly now. He has learned to pull up - and along with that how to fall down. We have had our first bloody lip but we all survived it. He likes to hold your hands and walk but hasn't been brave enough to let go yet. I expect it any day though. He is so ready to take off. He has become very good at crawling and half the time puts a foot down like he's just going to stand up and start walking instead. One of his favorite games is to push/toss balls around and crawl after them. Of course he'll use whatever he has as he demonstrated at the store the other day as he dug in the diaper bag, found a diaper and started shoving it around the floor. :) He doesn't like to nap much because there is so much to see and do. So, sometimes he just plays until he passes out. I literally put him down 2 times for a nap, he would not sleep, so I took him out, set him in the middle of the living room and...you can see what happened. :) He is still spitting up non stop but has his 9 month check up next week so we shall see then.

I am doing well. I had a small section on the back
of my shoulder removed yesterday so that's a bit sore but ok. My anatomy class is almost done - 2 more weeks, only 1 test left. I have been debating whether to stay at ACC and get my ADN or to attend UT and get a Masters with an RN. I keep going back and forth on it but don't need a decision right now.

Keven's last class is Thursday. Then he will have officially completed his first MBA class. He is signed up for 2 more this fall. He has been running more and more and enjoying 5Ks. Our latest one was the Bat Run and we watched the bats from the Congress bridge afterwards. His next run will be The Human Race which is a 10K. He has really been impressing me!

Grace has been on my mind a lot lately as her 2 year Angel Day is coming up. But, I've been keeping her busy with all my friends that are pregnant - I've asked her to help watch over them all. :) Camden smiles at her pictures and I know she loves him dearly.

Hope everyone is doing well and staying somewhat cool!

Wellp...we're making it through July. Camden was all decked out for the 4th of July festivities. I was a bum though so we didn't do much. Next year we plan to make a day of it and I will try not to be a bum. Look how big he is sitting in his chair his Jammy gave him.

I had my stitches removed this week. Nice to have them out. Weird to still not be able to turn my neck all the way like I used to. I mean it makes sense because they took a chunk of skin out and pulled it together. Of course it's not going to turn as easily. Just weird. It's sensitive but doesn't really hurt - except if Camden accidentally hits it. I go back at the end of the month to have the section on my back removed and to check any others out.

My anatomy class was going well up to this week. I have been working really hard and maintaining an A. Unfortunately I have a test tomorrow that I am not at all prepared for. Only myself to blame. I've just been in such a funk lately...can't seem to get out of it. Oh well...hopefully I'll do ok on the test...we'll see.

Keven's class is going well. He is also maintaining an A. He is as good at procrastinating as I am. :) But he pulls it off. This weekend we are going to attempt another 5K. I don't think I've walked any since the last one...someday...someday...

Not much else going on here. Camden is doing great. He's really crawling well now. He's just going to be an army crawler. He's good at it! He wants to walk. He finally got the whole idea of putting one foot in front of the other. He likes to stand and try and walk and to see everything that is going on. He hasn't pulled himself up yet, but he has gotten from a crawling position to a sitting position. He's so amazing!! Of course with a big sister like he has what else would he be. :) Enjoy his walking video below.

July already?!

I can not believe it is already July. Camden is 8 months old today! We practiced cake eating to get ready for his big 1st birthday. He stuck his hand right in the cake...and then right in his hair. He did that several times - as if trying to use the icing as gel. He's really starting to get around. He still isn't in a complete crawl yet but he's fast for his tummy crawl. And he loves to stand up. He isn't pulling up yet but likes to hold your hands and stand. The concept of putting one foot in front of the other to walk is also slowly coming to him. Too cute!

We survived our first Keep Austin Weird 5K. It really wasn't as bad as I feared. As out of shape as I am I thought I would surely pass out. I didn't - definitely need to keep walking and get healthier, but I made it. Keven did a great job and ran a lot of it. He's been working hard to get better at running. Our next attempt will probably be the Bat Run - you do the 5K and then watch all the bats fly out from under the bridge. I think that would be really cool!

I finally took Grace her 4th of July decorations. At least I got them out there before the 4th. They're hard to see in the picture but there are RWB star sprays in the 2 vases and a a RWB star garland around her stone. I like to decorate for the holidays...makes me feel better for some odd reason.

I'm excited about this weekend because our San Antonio family is coming up. It's always so good to see them!


Sure feels like more has been going on around here but I can't seem to think of anything. Been to a couple of baby showers and have several more in the next few months. Lots of bellies around. School...house cleaning....following Camden around and picking up stuff before he gets it - my way of baby proofing...dermatologist frequently...nothing too exciting. Hope everyone has a great week and a safe 4th of July!!

Rambling to My Girl

Grace....it's just easier to write as if I'm talking to you. I got my neck all cut and stitched. Wasn't too bad. I can't really turn my head too much, but it doesn't hurt much. So, that's good. It was scary having them cut and pull on my neck, so close to arteries and veins and all. Only 11 more days until I get the stitches out. Really it's just one long stitch - but he said it was equal to about 20 small stitches. It feels weird though when they pull one long one out - that's how it was with your c-section. Strange feeling.

Marmee and Avus said you visited them on their trip to Florida. That was very thoughtful of you. She said they went to a butterfly house and that a little blond haired blue eyed girl ran up and gave her a hug. I know it was you. Thank you.

Your brother is really getting around now. He's still not completely crawling up off the floor and stuff but he is getting around just the same. It's a whole new challenge and we are loving every minute of it. He is very determined, very strong and so happy and sweet.

You have been on my mind so much lately. Not that that is very different than usual...but just really thinking about you and missing you. I think my anatomy class has something to do with it. Talking about things that you went through or or affected you...the fact that you're the reason I'm in the class...I'm doing alright in the class. It's hard, but interesting. I do wish you would send me a sign that I'm doing the right thing. I just wonder often if I am. What if I can't handle being a nurse? Not jus the blood, guts, etc..., but also the emotional part of it. Wish you were here to help me through it all. You have made me who I am and I love you dearly! I am so thankful for you and for all the people you have brought into my life. Just wish you were still here too. I want my cake and to eat it too - especially since I know you'd help me eat it :) I love you little girl. I love your brother. I hope he sees you and knows you. Thanks for watching over all of us.

Camden is learning to crawl

Camden is learning to crawl. (Don't mind Judge Judy in the background) We are enjoying watching him so much. It's bittersweet as it was something Grace never did. But he's strong enough to it for her too. No obstacles stand in his way. I'm sure she is very proud of him and wishing she were here to play with him. He is very determined and trying so hard. It's so much fun!!! He is very strong, but we just say what do you expect when you genetically engineer your child. ;) Just kidding! The dogs aren't sure what to think - doesn't seem to phase them. They didn't know Grace. Emily, the cat, however did know Grace...and has been unpleasanlty suprised at how strong Camden is and that he can come after her. :) Keven and I joke a lot that Emily is our constant. If something happens to her...who knows what. But I got her without Keven's approval and she is the one thing that has remained the same through our marriage. Strange but true. I know Keven has a soft spot for her now whether he will admit it or not. I am suprised though that Camden has not coughed up a fur ball yet - as much animal hair is around here and that he grabs with his hand. I really need to clean the carpets....some day. Happy Summer to everyone - I know it's already felt like it but since it officially starts this weekend and we have the longest day of the year...stay cool!

Where does it come from

And where does it go? Don't worry, not talking about money this time. Talking about motivation. I used to be able to self motivate...to kick butt and get things done. Not so much any more. So I had it and now it's gone. So where did it go? And where did it come from originally so I can get it back? I know what I need to do...I feel bad b/c I don't do it...but then that just makes me even more down and not doing it. So, where is my motivation? Did that sound like an actor? Sorry. I just know I need to eat better and exercise - for health reasons, not even vanity (although it won't hurt) But I can't get off my big ol butt and do it. I need to study more for class. But I keep procrastinating. I need to clean the carpets now that the boy is scooting around on them...but nope. So does anyone have some motivation I can get from them?

Grace has been on my mind a lot. Nothing new. Just miss her. Wish I had pulled over. Used a pulse ox. Bought a vest. So many things. Just miss her like crazy!!! Camden would be having so much fun with her.

He's really starting to get around. Still not an official crawl - more like pulling/dragging - but it gets him around. I'll share a video clip once I get it uploaded. Again...motivation. He's wonderful!

Not much really going on. Just trying to find motivation...to end the awful cycle of not doing something, feeling bad about not doing it, getting down about it then continuing to not do it...Sheesh. Circles are rough!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I can't complain

Before anything else - Camden crawled forward!! Not far, and more like a belly crawl, but he went straight forward!!! So excited!!!

I really can't complain. I know my last entry was a little bit on the complaining side...and I really have no right. I am so lucky and blessed...I have so many friends and family....I have a nice, although dirty, house...lots of stuff that we don't need...a daughter for 2 1/2 years on earth which was longer than expected and a beautiful healthy son...and a great husband. I want for nothing - well nothing I need. So I really can't complain. And I am feeling better about the money situation. We weren't/aren't spending crazy...we just don't make enough. The pay cut I took from going from teacher to paraprofessional...quite a chunk. We had been lucky with money showing up in the form of the house being redone and tax stuff. So, I feel better about that. So, I really can't complain....but...

I just don't really understand. Just when you think you get a handle on something or things start settling down...along comes a spider. I have to say I think I've done pretty well the past few years being the natural pessimist that I am. So is it all a test? Or a preparation? Or just random. I think I'll go with the random. That's easier to deal with in it's own way. Oh, all the ranting, sorry...my biopsy did show cancer - melanoma. And again, I know that's nothing compared to people with cancers that involve radiation and chemo and all that...or people that lose limbs in the military...I know it's nothing. But when does the straw the breaks the camels back show up? Hopefully no time soon.

I don't want to end on a negative. I have too much to be thankful for. And I am - for everyone and everything I have. I am so blessed. Just having a hard time - especially with it on top of PMS. What a note to end on :)

If trees would grow...

Money. Wouldn't it be nice if money did grow on trees? I don't know where it all goes. This month may be to weddings, baby showers, birthdays and Father's Day...but seriously!! I'm thinking maybe it does grow on trees...but between the heat wave and lack of rain down here, and all the tornados up north they don't have a chance. I would definitely plant plenty of them, and water them, and share the wealth.

Thank goodness Camden's smiles and laughs are free. They make it all worthwhile. Maybe I could try bottling and selling those - they are priceless. And it would spread joy to many. If only...

And how do you get self discipline and motivation? I used to have it. Not so much lately. Tons of stuff I would like to do and some of which I need to do...but if it doesn't matter in the end then why waste the time and energy? That goes for diet, exercise and stuff around the house. It all just seems like such an endless circle and in the middle of it all I still don't have my girl with me or any money. Guess that's what they call the rat race. Always running but never getting anywhere...I just don't know.

Trying something new...

Blogging that is. I write somewhat frequently on Grace's updates on her webpage...but when I write there I write as though I'm talking to her. At least most of the time. So it just comes out. Here, writing in first person...may be a little harder. So if these blogs jump around as far as point of view...I apologize.

Things are pretty calm right now around here. Keven has started his MBA program and is maintaing a 4.0 in his class. I have started anatomy and had my first test this evening. I feel ok about it, but until I see my grade.....

We've both traded in our gas guzzlers for smaller, better gas mileage cars. Unfortunately we both lost money on the deals since we owed more than we could get for them...but it will balance out eventually with the amount we save in gas. Plus we lost a lot of miles - we both got used cars but with low mileage...our other 2 were getting on up there.

Olive is our newest member of the family...our Papillon puppy. She's sweet and we, or at least I, am really enjoying having her.

Camden is amazing. He is getting so big!!! He is very close to crawling. He can get on all fours and then rocks. He is trying very hard. He has one tooth and a second one close to popping through - part of it already has.

Grace is still with us everyday. I feel I am losing her more and more but think about her all the time. I took a pinwheel out to her the other day and there was a gorgeous sunset. I think Camden is starting to recognize her, as he smiles at her pictures. We talk about her a lot. We miss her so much though. I can't believe it's been almost 2 years. Unreal. Unfair. Unbelievable. I sure do love her!!

That's about the excitement around her. Keeping so many in our hearts, minds and prayers!