Saturday, August 16, 2008

2 Years Tomorrow


Tomorrow. 2 years. Unreal. Figured I better go ahead and type something now since there is no telling what I will think/feel tomorrow. There really isn't much to say. Nothing that hasn't been said. I love her like crazy. I miss her like crazy. I do go longer in between cries and breakdowns...but not much else has changed. I still have feelings of guilt, of anger, of sadness, of unfairness. So many feelings that never end. I still remember this week 2 years ago. It's the week/day I remember most out of all of them. That makes me sad. I wish I remembered other days as well. It's very hard to believe it's been 2 years since I held her...heard her voice...smelled her...kissed her. So hard to believe. Unfair!!! To her. To us. To Camden who will never meet his big sister. He'll know her - we talk about her all the time - but won't have her here with him. She is part of him though. He is so happy and so content - just like her - I believe it is part of her in him. He makes life better - his smile, his needs and wants. But it doesn't make her not being here any better. I hope she is never forgotten - by anyone that ever met her. She was an Amazing person and it's just not right or fair. I don't think it was her time. I think she had more ahead of her. Although Camden would not be here if she still were...so maybe she was opening the door for him. Who knows...I love you Grace. I always have and I always will. You are my strength and my weakness. My heart and my soul. I love you dearly and you affected me more in your short life than anyone or anything else ever has (and I would be willing to bet ever will). I love you sunshine and miss you so much. I don't think I can say that enough. Love you and Miss you.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Camden's 9 Months Old

This is just a copy of the email I sent updating after Camdens 9 month checkup on August 5th.

Camden had his 9 month well check today! He woke up with a fever though, so it was good timing. He has a sinus infection and will start antibiotics today. Besides that he is perfect. I can’t believe he’s 9 months!! Almost a year old! That means I haven’t lost a pound in 9 months…no good…course I haven’t worked very hard at it. Anyways… He weighed 22 pounds (75-90 percentile), with his height still in the 50 percentile. J He’s so cute and chunky. He is still spitting up way too much so after he finishes the antibiotic he will have an upper GI to make sure everything is ok. I am willing to admit that I am paranoid and over protective and there may be absolutely nothing wrong with him. I hope that is the truth. But I will also say better safe than sorry. So we’ll do the upper GI. He is getting into everything. Crawling like crazy, pulling up, and so wants to walk. He will walk while you hold his hands but not willing to let go yet. That’s ok. But I’d be surprised if he’s not walking by his birthday. We’ll see. No rush. Just so much fun. His favorite activity is to push things around the floor and go after them. Balls, toys, diapers, anything he can push or toss and crawl after. I’ll try and get a video uploaded to my blog of him doing this. It’s hilarious. And so nice that he can entertain himself. It’s so much fun to watch him as he learns about things and figures out how things work…the wonder and amazement of children and learning things for the first time. Wish we could remember that and hold on to that. Other exciting news is that on August 18th he will graduate from the baby room at school into the Toddler 1 room. J They get to go outside to the playground, and have circle time and centers. That will be exciting! He’s going to love it! He is great!!! We haven’t been swimming much this summer. With my stitches and the HEAT…haven’t done it much. The few times we have though he loves the water. Can’t wait to spend some more time in the water.

Grace – August is SMA Awareness month. I still say that’s why she passed this month…to help with awareness…Still ironic that the date we went in for her bloodwork and MRI was August 17th, 2004…passing on August 17th, 2006…ironic. Can’t believe it’s almost been 2 years. Sometimes it all seems like a dream. Sometimes all too real. I can remember that day like yesterday. Wish I could remember all her other days as clearly. Sure do miss her. Along with SMA awareness month, the 2nd Saturday of the month, which is this Saturday the 9th, is candle lighting day. At sunset people light candles in memory of our Angels and in honor of those still in the battle. If you think of it please light a candle this Saturday for all our Angels (SMA and Angels for other reasons)

I am doing ok. My neck is healing nicely. Have about a 3 ½ inch scar but it’ll shrink some more and will hide nicely in my wrinkles as I age. J They got clear margins on the surrounding tissue so that is all good. Last week they took a small patch from my shoulder – about 2 inches long – it was just abnormal tissue but they went ahead and took it. I will get the stitches out August 11. Still in my anatomy class and it’s going pretty well. My last class is actually next Tuesday (12th) which is the 1st day I start back to work. Good timing I guess. I am only taking 1 class this fall as I am not sure what my schedule will look like. I will be teaching half time – a week on and a week off. Sounded perfect…until we realized I need to work full time. So I’ll be looking for another PT job which will be interesting since I need it to be a week on and a week off. But I’m not worried. Things always have a way of working themselves out. I did just get a new washer and dryer – that’s exciting. I guess Keven got them too, but since I do the laundary… Our washer broke..shocking since it was so cheap and all (really it was – a freeby with the house)…but I’m kind of scared of my new ones b/c I think they’re smarter than me. I also got my hair chopped off. I cut it and donated it to Locks of Love…but she did do it a bit shorter than I wanted so it feels really weird.

Keven is doing great. He has finished his first MBA class. Last week was his last class day. Now he has a few weeks off before the fall semester starts and he takes 2 classes. He will be off to Colorado next week for a vacation. He leaves the day I start back to work. Yes, I’m jealous. At least one of us gets a vacation though I guess. He has also become quite the runner. He has been doing weekly trainings and is starting to go a few times a week. He has participated in two 5Ks and will be doing a 10K at the end of the month. I am very impressed by him!! He is however losing a battle with our toilet. Anyone have any plumbing ideas? He’s replaced the whole thing in the tank…still not right….boy it’s frustrating. He also got to paint the garage door and power wash the sidewalk after some punk kids wrote on them in marker. Sheesh!!! We didn’t get the worst though – they wrote on the hood of the car across the street. School needs to start! But he is doing well and loving that Camden is getting so interactive and fun to play with.

Congratulations to my friend Maegan who had her 2nd little boy today. YEAH!!!! Prayers for all those in need – for joy, comfort and concerns. Including my friend prego with triplets who was put on bed rest…she still has about 12 weeks to go…so a long way of bed rest. And all the other prego ladies I know. Sending hugs and love to all and hope everyone is doing well.