I HATE AUGUST

If you haven't heard me say that before, I'm schocked. Because I HATE AUGUST! I know, very negative, and we shouldn't use the word hate and blah blah blah...and there are a lot of wonderful people (including friends and family) that were born in August, so no offense to them, but still...It's hot (hotter this year than ever before), school starts and Grace died. I've been re-reading old updates and blogs - from her webpage, from 2006/2007. It's weird to read my own thoughts back...to read what I was thinking. Especially since a lot of it I still feel - not all the time and not as strongly but still feel...it's still there. I know she's still with us. I know she's always with us. She sends us signs - and have been more frequent lately. Maybe b/c it's August. I'm glad she's with us. But it's not the same and just not good enough. I can't touch her, feel her, smell her, see her, hear her...not fair. She visited me Wednesday. We met Lee and Hannah at the zoo in Waco. She greeted us at the front of the aquarium part (she loved fish, water and aquariums) - beautiful orange butterfly just hanging out around the front entrance. It was nice of her to stop by. :)  It was also nice because Lee re-told me 2 events. She had told them to me before, I know, it all sounded familiar but I had forgotten. And I won't be able to tell them exactly right - Lee would have to - but you'll get the idea.  It just proves the innocence and connection that children have.  We were in Ft. Worth when Grace died. The hospital we rushed to was near their house. So of course they came and with Hannah. Lee went out to the waiting room to be with Hannah - Hannah was Grace's age, so almost 2 1/2 years old. She was playing in the little playhouse in the waiting room and said Grace was there. She said she saw Grace in the waiting room.  She told Lee the Angels had taken Grace. That Grace had gone with them.  She wasn't promted for this information or asked, she just said it...she knew...she saw...she felt. That's just amazing to me! Then they came down for Grace's funeral. Lee was talking to Hannah and telling her there would be a lot of people at our house and some would be crying and be sad. And Hannah told her she knew and it was ok. Lee asked her what she meant. She said it was ok, that Grace was ok, that the man came and got her. Some man came and took Grace home and it was ok.  Children are amazing. And I totally believe she saw the Angels and the man. It helps some. And hurts some too. But helps mostly. I miss our Angel. I am thankful everyday for her and thankful for every day I had with her. She made me the person I am today, for better or worse. Camden is Camden because of her - in more than 1 way. He's been asking a lot of questions about her lately. I think it's partly her trying to get through to him. But also he's getting close to 4 and I believe starting to understand more. I love when he asks about her. It hurts but it's a nice hurt. I'm glad he knows about her and who she is. He's been helping me make piles for the garage sale and get items for the silent auction. He's so funny b/c now a lot of stuff he finds he suggests we use it for one of these two things. So sweet.  I will do a happy Camden post soon, especially since this one is so negative, but just felt the need today. Maybe because we spent the morning with some SMA families. It was great. They are great. But it also just brings up a lot of emotions. Obviously I deal with it though as I continue to help fight for SMA families. We will find a cure! I always say Grace chose August b/c it is SMA awareness month - she figured that was the best way to make people aware. Leave it to Grace :) I love you my beautiful Angel! Keep sending me those signs, I'll be watching!