What was I thinking?!

What was I thinking? Coming to Florida to the SMA conference. Actually, I know what I was thinking. I was thinking I get to see all these friends, no my family, that I haven't seen in years. I was thinking my SMA family that knew Grace will get to meet Camden. I can be more involved with FSMA and try to strengthen the Texas Chapter. I was thinking I can meet a bunch of people Ive only met online. A family vacation that lasts more than 2 days and not in the car for the majority of that. Camden can meet Buzz and Woody. Disneyworld. I was thinking the happiest place on earth!
But the issue is what I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking about how hard this would be. How emotional it will be. I wasn't thinking about seeing all these children zooming around in their chairs like Grace should be. How so many of them remind me of her because all children with SMA just have that special quality to them. I wasn't thinking about seeing kids that met Grace and are so grown up now. About reading and listening to all the research which is great but also so frustrating. And then trying to absorb all that while missing my girl. I wasn't thinking about how big of a hole would be here without my girl with me.
So maybe sometimes it's good not to think? I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I came. Tomorrow will be a full day of convention and it's going to be so wonderful and so hard. Why do it? I know a lot of people fade away after they lose their child. But I stay involved because we need a cure. No other family needs to feel the pain.
I know we will have a great time. And I know Grace will be here with us. I just hope she sends us some signs.
What was I thinking? I was thinking I love my daughter and my son and this trip is for both of ten!