August 17

What would you do if you knew that tomorrow was your last day with someone you love?  Would you stay up all night with them talking, laughing, hugging, crying?  Would you let them rest and just watch them sleep?  Would you stay awake all night in hopes that if you didn't go to sleep then tomorrow wouldn't come and they wouldn't be gone?  Would you beg and barter to try and make it not come true?  

What if you could change it? One decision made differently and the whole future changes. One change that alters everything else in your world - almost like the butterfly effect. It may make a difference if you knew what it would be like in 5-10-15 years...in the moment of course you would. In that instant anything would be worth it.

Wouldn't it be interesting if your life could be like A Christmas Carol and you could see how things will be and how they could be?

I hurt. A lot. And I miss my girl. A ton. I can't believe I haven't posted since last August 17th.  And that post, 1 year ago today, is still so very true. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound. I love you and miss you more than I can stand.  I could write non stop and never adequately put it into words.

My wish is for you to know how true that is - how much I truly love you, miss you and wish I could change that day 11 years ago.  I also wish for no mother to ever know the pain of losing a child. I wish to open my heart and home to a child that might not otherwise know the love of a mother, of a family.  I wish to continue loving your siblings and teaching them about you. About what love and Grace are truly about.