It’s hard to be the Mom when you want to be the kid. To put
on the brave face for your kiddo when you’re just as scared and worried. I just want to get back in bed and pull the
covers up over my head. If I do that
then today won’t come and go, and although it’s a good day and good changes,
it’s going to be so emotional. Hiding
under the covers I can pretend like it’s all the same and everything is
ok.
Today I know I will be happy, sad, excited, scared, and
more.
Today is our last day at Sommer Elementary. It’s been home
to me for 7 years and Camden for 4. We
will not say goodbye, just see you later, but it will still be full of
emotions. Time for us to go on “a
driving adventure” (reference to Dora)
Today I get to lead 5th grade in their
recognition song, “I Was Here”, by Lady Antebellum. Such a fitting song in so many ways and I’m
entirely expecting to bawl my eyes out.
Grace should be singing that song. She should be celebrating the end of
elementary school. She should be here with us and it just sucks! And it being our last day at the school adds
to it. Yes, I chose to make the change,
so I really don’t have any room to whine about it. But it’s a big change for me and I’m sad and
scared. The words are just perfect for
Grace and for what I hope I did and/or can do in the future. The chorus is:
I
wanna do something that matters, Say something different
Something
that sets the whole world on its ear.
I
wanna do something better, with the time I’ve been given
And
I wanna try, to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave
nothing less, than something that says “I was here”
I’m scared of change and of
moving forward. Of the unknown. Of new things. Of no paycheck. Of failure. Of losing good things and people. But perhaps I’m more afraid of regretting not
trying. More afraid of doing what I really should be doing. More afraid of
being too much ‘teacher’ and not enough ‘mom’. I of course can’t let any of this show though
because Camden is scared and worried and nervous. This is a lot of change for him too.
I will be brave for him. I will
have faith that whatever is to come is meant to be. That Grace is with us and helping us along
the way. That even if I do fail that it
will be ok.
