Christmas Chronicles

Thought I'd better try and write down as much as I could about Camden's Christmas before I forget. Let's see...
Christmas Eve we went over to mom and dad's in the afternoon. We made cookies and pudding and hung out with family. The West Coast Davis' showed up and it was so good to see them. Took Camden a little bit of time to warm up but by Monday he was wrapped around their fingers. We went to church for the Candle light Service. That's usually when I cry, during Silent Night, but this year I played hand chimes so somehow made it through. Camden loved seeing Uncle Earl and Aunt Miriam singing in the choir with Bop Bop. Then it was back to Marmee's house for dinner and some gifts. He was so excited to sit on the big new table with everyone. And then when he got his gifts from Annemarie and Maura he was more than happy to ham it up. He did not want to go home. So checked to see where Santa was, Virginia, and told him we needed to hurry home and get to bed before Santa got there. That was all it took, he was running out the front door, no shoes, no jacket, no mom and dad - just running for the car. "We got to hurry! We got to beat Santa!" It was very cute!  He started to get upset b/c people in our neighborhood had their lights on so he was saying Santa wouldn't come because they were still up. We told him it was ok, he would come to our house if we were asleep, he'd just skip the other people's houses. Him sleeping that night was the best/funniest part. He and Keven wrote Santa a letter and left him candy and milk and he went to bed. In his room, in his bed, with his door closed. He NEVER likes to sleep in his room and definitely doesn't close his door. He kept telling us we better lock our door too so Santa will come. So he went right to bed. Now, usually around 2 or 3 AM he comes into our room. He didn't do that. I figured he was very tired. So, about 8 I got up to let the dogs out and I hear his small voice from down the hall..."Mom? Mom? Are you awake?"  Yup. "Can I come out?" LOL. He had been awake and wouldn't come out of his room til we were up and it was ok. I asked him if he'd been awake long...he said he was in bed then got on the floor and then back in bed and then back on the floor. :)

So, out to see what Santa left. He was SO excited that Santa ate his candy and left our key under his plate. He took things out of his stocking one at a time and loved them all! What was funny was there was some doublemint gum and it had Captain America on it, so whenever people ask him what he got from Santa, he says Captain America gum. Never mind the books, candy, T-rex from Toy Story... :) Actually he does like the T-rex too. He had a Belle ornament in his stocking - b/c he always joke around about Beauty and the Beast - he says Booty and the Beast - not sure he's ever seen the movie...but so he got Belle. When he pulled it out he laughed and said Santa messed up, that was for his little sister. :) So, hung around the house a bit and then headed to Marmee and Bop Bop's.  Then all the family came. From San Antonio, West coast and East coast. Camden had a BLAST! He got to help pass out all the presents, he saw all his cousins and played. Lots of food, family and fun. Just like holidays should be!! He had fun talking about his note to Santa and sleeping in his room and the Capt. America gum.  Before Annemarie and Maura showed up he kept asking when his friends were going to get there. Trying to remember what other funny things he did but can't think of them...he had a blast and did so well with everyone and everything.

Monday Camden slept late, which he needed! Then he was singing some in his sleep. Frosty the snowman. So funny. Then we had family pictures. 22 of us. Camden wouldn't cooperate at the beginning. He wasn't wanting to participate. But he warmed up a little after a bit and we took a bunch of pictures. I can't wait to see them! Then we went to Chuy's and he quickly jumped to the table with Annemarie and Maura. Then off to Austin's park and pizza. We walked in and he wanted to find his friends (his 5 cousins) He wanted to follow them around all night and did a pretty good job of it. So much fun! Games, putt putt, go-karts, chasing cousins. In the car afterwards Keven asked if Camden liked his cousins. He said yes. Keven asked if he liked one the most - he said Annemarie and Maura (definitely a ladies man) - then he said he loves all his cousins. Keven asked if he wanted to go home with them. He said no. I said maybe we could go visit. He said Maybe we can. :) He's heard that once or twice ;)  Currently he's off at the Zilker tree with the East Coast Davis' and dad. Having a blast I'm sure.

He has been so wonderful this whole Christmas weekend. So excited about the lights, the music, Santa..especially Santa. And no naps, and lots of sugar - and no major melt downs. He was truly amazing! Should say IS truly amazing.

Holiday Heartache

I miss my girl constantly. But for whatever reason the holidays are even harder. Maybe because I should be shopping for 2 kids instead of 1. Maybe because she was the cutest Santa.  Maybe because it's about the birth of Jesus and wonderful things and all I can think about is missing her. Or the guilt I feel about being sad for her and should be happy for Camden.  Guilty for feeling badly when so many other people have lost so much more than I, and I am truly blessed. Camden is talking a lot about her and sometimes I feel badly about that. I mean, I love it, very bittersweet. I'm glad he knows her, loves her, thinks about her...but am I doing him a disservice by talking about her so much? I sure hope not. I sure hope he never feels he's in her shadow. I hope he knows how incredibly special he is and loved and how blessed we are to have him.  Here are some of the comments he's made lately...

Shopping for the Giving Tree at church, we had an 8 month old little girl, Camden "I want a little sister. We could get her those pajamas"

At Wal-Mart we walked past an end cap of all these baby dolls - "I want a sister. And when she gets bigger I'll buy her this doll"  A lot of times he says he wants a brother because he already has a sister.  I would love for him to have both - a brother and another sister.

The 2 that hurt the most, but also meant the most to me...He called me into the other room today to show me a picture of Grace. He pointed to a picture of him and his 2 cousins and said the youngest was Grace. I explained who they were and reminded him. He got very upset and said he wanted Grace in the picture with him! That hurts..hurts me because he obviously hurts and because I'd love that too.

Then tonight my mom was telling someone that her (my mom's) dog had died in April. Camden said she went up to Heaven. We all agreed. Then he said when he gets to Heaven he gets to play with Grace. And with God. He had mentioned that before. That it wasn't fair and that he wanted to go to Heaven and play with her. I told him he will someday, but hopefully not soon, I need him here with me for now. And he's right, it's not fair. He should have his big sister here with him. They would be having so much fun!  He asked one time how she got to Heaven...I don't remember what I said...maybe by becoming an Angel....he decided she drove her power chair up there. :)

He is so excited about Christmas. It's so much fun watching him. He liked it last year, but this year he is getting into all of it. The music, the lights, Santa, family...it's so much fun. So I'm trying to focus on him. And I do...but it doesn't take my thoughts from her.  Here's a candle lighting ritual we do on Christmas Eve. I forget where we got it from or I'd give proper acknowledgement. Thought I'd share though as it works for any loved ones.

It's 4 candles and usually 5 of my family members read. I read if I can...
1 -"As we light these candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories and one for our love."
2 - Light 1st candle - "The light of this candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you."
3 - Light 2nd candle - "The light of this candle represents our courage to confront our sorrow; to comfort each other; to change our lives."
4 - Light 3rd candle - "This candle is a light ot all of our memories of you. To the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us."
5 - Light 4th candle - "This candle is the light of our love. As we enter the holiday season, day by day, we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We are thankful for the gift your life brought to each of us. We love you always"


I love both my beautiful children! I am so incredibly thankful for them both and blessed by them both. I just wish I had both here with me, however selfish that is.