Graduation...

It’s hard to be the Mom when you want to be the kid. To put on the brave face for your kiddo when you’re just as scared and worried.  I just want to get back in bed and pull the covers up over my head.  If I do that then today won’t come and go, and although it’s a good day and good changes, it’s going to be so emotional.  Hiding under the covers I can pretend like it’s all the same and everything is ok. 

Today I know I will be happy, sad, excited, scared, and more. 

Today is our last day at Sommer Elementary. It’s been home to me for 7 years and Camden for 4.  We will not say goodbye, just see you later, but it will still be full of emotions.  Time for us to go on “a driving adventure” (reference to Dora)

Today I get to lead 5^th grade in their recognition song, “I Was Here”, by Lady Antebellum.  Such a fitting song in so many ways and I’m entirely expecting to bawl my eyes out.  Grace should be singing that song. She should be celebrating the end of elementary school. She should be here with us and it just sucks!  And it being our last day at the school adds to it.  Yes, I chose to make the change, so I really don’t have any room to whine about it.   But it’s a big change for me and I’m sad and scared.  The words are just perfect for Grace and for what I hope I did and/or can do in the future.  The chorus is:

I wanna do something that matters, Say something different

Something that sets the whole world on its ear.

I wanna do something better, with the time I’ve been given

And I wanna try, to touch a few hearts in this life

Leave nothing less, than something that says “I was here”

I’m scared of change and of moving forward. Of the unknown. Of new things. Of no paycheck. Of failure.  Of losing good things and people.  But perhaps I’m more afraid of regretting not trying. More afraid of doing what I really should be doing. More afraid of being too much ‘teacher’ and not enough ‘mom’.  I of course can’t let any of this show though because Camden is scared and worried and nervous.  This is a lot of change for him too.  

I will be brave for him. I will have faith that whatever is to come is meant to be.  That Grace is with us and helping us along the way.  That even if I do fail that it will be ok.