2 Years Tomorrow

Tomorrow. 2 years. Unreal. Figured I better go ahead and type something now since there is no telling what I will think/feel tomorrow. There really isn't much to say. Nothing that hasn't been said. I love her like crazy. I miss her like crazy. I do go longer in between cries and breakdowns...but not much else has changed. I still have feelings of guilt, of anger, of sadness, of unfairness. So many feelings that never end. I still remember this week 2 years ago. It's the week/day I remember most out of all of them. That makes me sad. I wish I remembered other days as well. It's very hard to believe it's been 2 years since I held her...heard her voice...smelled her...kissed her. So hard to believe. Unfair!!! To her. To us. To Camden who will never meet his big sister. He'll know her - we talk about her all the time - but won't have her here with him. She is part of him though. He is so happy and so content - just like her - I believe it is part of her in him. He makes life better - his smile, his needs and wants. But it doesn't make her not being here any better. I hope she is never forgotten - by anyone that ever met her. She was an Amazing person and it's just not right or fair. I don't think it was her time. I think she had more ahead of her. Although Camden would not be here if she still were...so maybe she was opening the door for him. Who knows...I love you Grace. I always have and I always will. You are my strength and my weakness. My heart and my soul. I love you dearly and you affected me more in your short life than anyone or anything else ever has (and I would be willing to bet ever will). I love you sunshine and miss you so much. I don't think I can say that enough. Love you and Miss you.

Camden's 9 Months Old

This is just a copy of the email I sent updating after Camdens 9 month checkup on August 5th.

Camden had his 9 month well check today! He woke up with a fever though, so it was good timing. He has a sinus infection and will start antibiotics today. Besides that he is perfect. I can’t believe he’s 9 months!! Almost a year old! That means I haven’t lost a pound in 9 months…no good…course I haven’t worked very hard at it. Anyways… He weighed 22 pounds (75-90 percentile), with his height still in the 50 percentile. J He’s so cute and chunky. He is still spitting up way too much so after he finishes the antibiotic he will have an upper GI to make sure everything is ok. I am willing to admit that I am paranoid and over protective and there may be absolutely nothing wrong with him. I hope that is the truth. But I will also say better safe than sorry. So we’ll do the upper GI. He is getting into everything. Crawling like crazy, pulling up, and so wants to walk. He will walk while you hold his hands but not willing to let go yet. That’s ok. But I’d be surprised if he’s not walking by his birthday. We’ll see. No rush. Just so much fun. His favorite activity is to push things around the floor and go after them. Balls, toys, diapers, anything he can push or toss and crawl after. I’ll try and get a video uploaded to my blog of him doing this. It’s hilarious. And so nice that he can entertain himself. It’s so much fun to watch him as he learns about things and figures out how things work…the wonder and amazement of children and learning things for the first time. Wish we could remember that and hold on to that. Other exciting news is that on August 18th he will graduate from the baby room at school into the Toddler 1 room. J They get to go outside to the playground, and have circle time and centers. That will be exciting! He’s going to love it! He is great!!! We haven’t been swimming much this summer. With my stitches and the HEAT…haven’t done it much. The few times we have though he loves the water. Can’t wait to spend some more time in the water.

Grace – August is SMA Awareness month. I still say that’s why she passed this month…to help with awareness…Still ironic that the date we went in for her bloodwork and MRI was August 17th, 2004…passing on August 17th, 2006…ironic. Can’t believe it’s almost been 2 years. Sometimes it all seems like a dream. Sometimes all too real. I can remember that day like yesterday. Wish I could remember all her other days as clearly. Sure do miss her. Along with SMA awareness month, the 2nd Saturday of the month, which is this Saturday the 9th, is candle lighting day. At sunset people light candles in memory of our Angels and in honor of those still in the battle. If you think of it please light a candle this Saturday for all our Angels (SMA and Angels for other reasons)

I am doing ok. My neck is healing nicely. Have about a 3 ½ inch scar but it’ll shrink some more and will hide nicely in my wrinkles as I age. J They got clear margins on the surrounding tissue so that is all good. Last week they took a small patch from my shoulder – about 2 inches long – it was just abnormal tissue but they went ahead and took it. I will get the stitches out August 11. Still in my anatomy class and it’s going pretty well. My last class is actually next Tuesday (12th) which is the 1st day I start back to work. Good timing I guess. I am only taking 1 class this fall as I am not sure what my schedule will look like. I will be teaching half time – a week on and a week off. Sounded perfect…until we realized I need to work full time. So I’ll be looking for another PT job which will be interesting since I need it to be a week on and a week off. But I’m not worried. Things always have a way of working themselves out. I did just get a new washer and dryer – that’s exciting. I guess Keven got them too, but since I do the laundary… Our washer broke..shocking since it was so cheap and all (really it was – a freeby with the house)…but I’m kind of scared of my new ones b/c I think they’re smarter than me. I also got my hair chopped off. I cut it and donated it to Locks of Love…but she did do it a bit shorter than I wanted so it feels really weird.

Keven is doing great. He has finished his first MBA class. Last week was his last class day. Now he has a few weeks off before the fall semester starts and he takes 2 classes. He will be off to Colorado next week for a vacation. He leaves the day I start back to work. Yes, I’m jealous. At least one of us gets a vacation though I guess. He has also become quite the runner. He has been doing weekly trainings and is starting to go a few times a week. He has participated in two 5Ks and will be doing a 10K at the end of the month. I am very impressed by him!! He is however losing a battle with our toilet. Anyone have any plumbing ideas? He’s replaced the whole thing in the tank…still not right….boy it’s frustrating. He also got to paint the garage door and power wash the sidewalk after some punk kids wrote on them in marker. Sheesh!!! We didn’t get the worst though – they wrote on the hood of the car across the street. School needs to start! But he is doing well and loving that Camden is getting so interactive and fun to play with.

Congratulations to my friend Maegan who had her 2nd little boy today. YEAH!!!! Prayers for all those in need – for joy, comfort and concerns. Including my friend prego with triplets who was put on bed rest…she still has about 12 weeks to go…so a long way of bed rest. And all the other prego ladies I know. Sending hugs and love to all and hope everyone is doing well.

Home, Hair and HELLo August

August is here. Well, in a little over an hour. Hard to believe. Camden is gearing up for football season - ready to cheer on the Longhorns with his big sister! He'll be 9 months old tomorrow!

Home - I forgot to mention that our house was written all over. Some kid wrote on our sidewalk, windows and garage door. How nice. Thankfully Keven was able to clean most of it and paint the garage door. They also wrote on the hood of our neighbor's car and on a house around the corner - including on their siding. Sheesh!!



Hair - I chopped my hair off. Not entirely on purpose. I did want to cut it and wanted to cut enough to donate to Locks of Love...but the lady went even shorter than that! I feel really weird without it. My face is too round and pudgy for short hair. At least it grows pretty quickly and will go to a good cause. I was hoping it would help my headaches, but no so luck yet.

HELLo August...because August is not one of my favorite months. Never has been. Probably never will be. For one it's just way to HOT!! And if you want to go back really far - we moved from Kentucky to Texas in August. I am thankful for the move now, but back then, in 4th grade, it was the worst thing ever!! August means school is starting up, so back to work. And of course Grace's Angel Day. So...here we shall start August. It does start off well though..Camden turns 9 months, our new washer/dryer are being delievered Friday, one of my best friends is having her 2nd little boy on Tuesday, we get to go to a birthday party for another friend we haven't seen in a long time and then another friend will be having her 1st born towards the end of the month. So we will try and focus on the positive and not on the August part.
>

Just a funny picture of my boy. He's such a
good eater - can't imagine where he gets it from ;)

Cruising through July

The summer is just flying by. Camden is almost walking. It's crazy. One day he figures out how to pull up and the next day you can't stop him. He is progressing so quickly now. He has learned to pull up - and along with that how to fall down. We have had our first bloody lip but we all survived it. He likes to hold your hands and walk but hasn't been brave enough to let go yet. I expect it any day though. He is so ready to take off. He has become very good at crawling and half the time puts a foot down like he's just going to stand up and start walking instead. One of his favorite games is to push/toss balls around and crawl after them. Of course he'll use whatever he has as he demonstrated at the store the other day as he dug in the diaper bag, found a diaper and started shoving it around the floor. :) He doesn't like to nap much because there is so much to see and do. So, sometimes he just plays until he passes out. I literally put him down 2 times for a nap, he would not sleep, so I took him out, set him in the middle of the living room and...you can see what happened. :) He is still spitting up non stop but has his 9 month check up next week so we shall see then.

I am doing well. I had a small section on the back
of my shoulder removed yesterday so that's a bit sore but ok. My anatomy class is almost done - 2 more weeks, only 1 test left. I have been debating whether to stay at ACC and get my ADN or to attend UT and get a Masters with an RN. I keep going back and forth on it but don't need a decision right now.

Keven's last class is Thursday. Then he will have officially completed his first MBA class. He is signed up for 2 more this fall. He has been running more and more and enjoying 5Ks. Our latest one was the Bat Run and we watched the bats from the Congress bridge afterwards. His next run will be The Human Race which is a 10K. He has really been impressing me!

Grace has been on my mind a lot lately as her 2 year Angel Day is coming up. But, I've been keeping her busy with all my friends that are pregnant - I've asked her to help watch over them all. :) Camden smiles at her pictures and I know she loves him dearly.

Hope everyone is doing well and staying somewhat cool!

Wellp...we're making it through July. Camden was all decked out for the 4th of July festivities. I was a bum though so we didn't do much. Next year we plan to make a day of it and I will try not to be a bum. Look how big he is sitting in his chair his Jammy gave him.

I had my stitches removed this week. Nice to have them out. Weird to still not be able to turn my neck all the way like I used to. I mean it makes sense because they took a chunk of skin out and pulled it together. Of course it's not going to turn as easily. Just weird. It's sensitive but doesn't really hurt - except if Camden accidentally hits it. I go back at the end of the month to have the section on my back removed and to check any others out.

My anatomy class was going well up to this week. I have been working really hard and maintaining an A. Unfortunately I have a test tomorrow that I am not at all prepared for. Only myself to blame. I've just been in such a funk lately...can't seem to get out of it. Oh well...hopefully I'll do ok on the test...we'll see.

Keven's class is going well. He is also maintaining an A. He is as good at procrastinating as I am. :) But he pulls it off. This weekend we are going to attempt another 5K. I don't think I've walked any since the last one...someday...someday...

Not much else going on here. Camden is doing great. He's really crawling well now. He's just going to be an army crawler. He's good at it! He wants to walk. He finally got the whole idea of putting one foot in front of the other. He likes to stand and try and walk and to see everything that is going on. He hasn't pulled himself up yet, but he has gotten from a crawling position to a sitting position. He's so amazing!! Of course with a big sister like he has what else would he be. :) Enjoy his walking video below.

July already?!

I can not believe it is already July. Camden is 8 months old today! We practiced cake eating to get ready for his big 1st birthday. He stuck his hand right in the cake...and then right in his hair. He did that several times - as if trying to use the icing as gel. He's really starting to get around. He still isn't in a complete crawl yet but he's fast for his tummy crawl. And he loves to stand up. He isn't pulling up yet but likes to hold your hands and stand. The concept of putting one foot in front of the other to walk is also slowly coming to him. Too cute!

We survived our first Keep Austin Weird 5K. It really wasn't as bad as I feared. As out of shape as I am I thought I would surely pass out. I didn't - definitely need to keep walking and get healthier, but I made it. Keven did a great job and ran a lot of it. He's been working hard to get better at running. Our next attempt will probably be the Bat Run - you do the 5K and then watch all the bats fly out from under the bridge. I think that would be really cool!

I finally took Grace her 4th of July decorations. At least I got them out there before the 4th. They're hard to see in the picture but there are RWB star sprays in the 2 vases and a a RWB star garland around her stone. I like to decorate for the holidays...makes me feel better for some odd reason.

I'm excited about this weekend because our San Antonio family is coming up. It's always so good to see them!


Sure feels like more has been going on around here but I can't seem to think of anything. Been to a couple of baby showers and have several more in the next few months. Lots of bellies around. School...house cleaning....following Camden around and picking up stuff before he gets it - my way of baby proofing...dermatologist frequently...nothing too exciting. Hope everyone has a great week and a safe 4th of July!!

Rambling to My Girl

Grace....it's just easier to write as if I'm talking to you. I got my neck all cut and stitched. Wasn't too bad. I can't really turn my head too much, but it doesn't hurt much. So, that's good. It was scary having them cut and pull on my neck, so close to arteries and veins and all. Only 11 more days until I get the stitches out. Really it's just one long stitch - but he said it was equal to about 20 small stitches. It feels weird though when they pull one long one out - that's how it was with your c-section. Strange feeling.

Marmee and Avus said you visited them on their trip to Florida. That was very thoughtful of you. She said they went to a butterfly house and that a little blond haired blue eyed girl ran up and gave her a hug. I know it was you. Thank you.

Your brother is really getting around now. He's still not completely crawling up off the floor and stuff but he is getting around just the same. It's a whole new challenge and we are loving every minute of it. He is very determined, very strong and so happy and sweet.

You have been on my mind so much lately. Not that that is very different than usual...but just really thinking about you and missing you. I think my anatomy class has something to do with it. Talking about things that you went through or or affected you...the fact that you're the reason I'm in the class...I'm doing alright in the class. It's hard, but interesting. I do wish you would send me a sign that I'm doing the right thing. I just wonder often if I am. What if I can't handle being a nurse? Not jus the blood, guts, etc..., but also the emotional part of it. Wish you were here to help me through it all. You have made me who I am and I love you dearly! I am so thankful for you and for all the people you have brought into my life. Just wish you were still here too. I want my cake and to eat it too - especially since I know you'd help me eat it :) I love you little girl. I love your brother. I hope he sees you and knows you. Thanks for watching over all of us.